ya gotta do it...

ya gotta do it!

awesome BM 2011 video!!

Burning Man reality

I seem to be having a hard time NOT thinking about Burning Man. I don't remember when I first heard about it...sometime when i was living in DC, in the late '90's I seem to recall, though the specifics elude me. I do recall that I was recently sober and my sober strongly advised not going as it was nothing more than a drug party. I know that during those years, and perhaps more of my life than I care to admit, I tried not to think for myself if possible. It's clear that it was the suggestion I needed at the time.  But over the last 10 years I have learned a lot about thinking for myself, I have made a ridiculous number of mistakes, but they were MY mistakes. And they've helped me become an adult, finally, at the age of 58.

A couple months ago BM popped up on my radar again..I don't recall how it happened but within 24 hours I discoverd for the first time that there were sober camps and even better there were gay sober camps. And a few weeks later I put out a plan to the universe...I would go to my first burn in 2012!!! It's out there now and I believe the stars , moons, gods...whatever... have aligned this way because I need to go. I have no real expectations about what to expect, well I do expect my life will change...more accurately I believe my life will begin.

I have some fear about all this. My greatest fear is that I won't go. I don't put to much stock in coincidence, at least coincidence with no apparent connection. I think that life offers up opportunities that we take or decline. I think this is my opportunity, that BM is an adventure that I need to take...repeat...NEED to take. My only other real fear is not having enough money. I try to put a little aside each week and have a loose plan on how to accomplish little goals toward the end goal...like first buy a ticket..a tent...gas money...I know that as I achieve each small goal the adventure will evolve before me and before long it will be August 2012 and I'll be heading into my life.

BM volunteering

I've been giving some more thought to volunteering at BM 2012. The official (?) recommendation is that it's not suggested the first year...but I like volunteering. It gives me a sense of belonging, purpose without which I feel like a visitor or guest or worse yet leech...lol! I'm comfortable helping people, a caretaker socioligists call it, so why not let what comes naturally do it's thing! Lamplighters and Exodus are still the top runners.

There's something about the ceremony of Lamplighters as well as the regularlity. It's the same time every afternoon; 5pm. My ADHD likes schedules and repetition! :) There appears to be a certain level of camradrie amongst the Lamplighters which is cool as I'm doing this thing solo and it would give me a chance to meet other people...not that I think meeting people will even be a remote possibility with 50,000 like minded people surrounding me!!!

The other options is Exodus which has potential for being a bigger commitment but also to minimize the anxiety connected to egress..blame it on the ADHD again...lol...but I have a tendency to get a little crazy waiting in lines. I've heard that the exodus is another part of the expereince and that there are "neighborhoods" that spring in the wait. The whole thing is staged and so these little neighborhoods last for like an hour at a time and the entire exodus can take 7 hours or longer so theres some fun to be had on the way out. All that being said I believe I might fare better helping coordinate a happy egress rather than socializing around my car...dunno perhaps I need to open my mind to the potential for something different..perhaps?

Will see what happens next...

BRC Volunteering

I had thought I would NOT volunteer for my first burn...ya know just enjoy the liberation of self and experience of the Playa. But the more i thought about it I think I might actully enjoy helping. I mean I like to volunteer as it makes me feel like I'm part of whats happening rather than a guest or observer. It is part of my character so why not? I was thinking of either Gate or Lamplighters both of which I found under the heading Volunteering. If I was to do the Gate I think I'd like to be part of the Exodus...I read somewhere that it is a hard team to get as everyone wants to leave...but how cool to tell peopel "bye...have a safe trip...see ya next year!" I mean cool! Lamplighters get to light the city at dusk and only requires a small commitment each day...another cool thing because you get to walk around saying hi and checking it all out! Again, cool! Well we'll let it go for today..I've thown it out to the universe...let's see what come back.

live bigger

My friend took his own life a couple of days ago. We knew each other well but since I left Atlanta we had kinda lost touch with one another. It happens when you move...people who you were close with move on. It's nothing personal. Maintaining any long distant relationship is difficult, romantic relationships have a the bonus physical layer that provides incentive. But platonic relationships are more of a challenge. They take a lot of work from both parties and circumstances on either end can make the connection thinner and begin to fray. As I said it's nothing personal, just life continuing. When I visit Atlanta (and I've been gone a couple years) most of my friends are delighted to see me as I am them. Real friends are almost always to make the time for each other and take up, as best possible, from where we left off.

When last I was visiting I got to spend some time with my friend. A movie and dinner, catching up..love live, work and the usual man gossip. It was the last time I'll ever see him. I'm grateful for that night. Our friendship was nothing deep, we didn't share intimate secrets but it was a genuine friendship as he was a genuine guy. It's important, in retrospect, to enjoy the time you get to spend with friends, because you never know if you'll see them again. Sometimes we simply lose touch & sometimes other forces intervene.

I'll miss my friend and I long ago gave up trying to figure out the selfish loss associated with the grim reaper. I just remember that I have a responsibility to live life bigger, for all those fallen comarades who won't get a chance to do it for themselves!

RIP Gary B. 10-14-11

Burning Man Gear

I'm trying to gather my thoughts on what gear I'll need for BM2012. There is a Survival Guide that I've read through. Here are some things I know I want...

A tent, suggested it be canvas and Kodiak seems to be the tent of choice. It's not the cheapest or the lightest but it's suppose to be super high quality so I'm thikning it would be a good investment for more camping. Its the FlexBow Kodiak  and a 10x10 which is plenty big for a couple of people, gear, etc... price....$500.



The other thing is a bike. Beause of the environment, sand, wind...well, sand and wind is enough to ruin a geared bike so a single speed bike is what I'm thinking. The one I'm currently looking at is the Firmstrong Bruiser Prestige Single Speed Men's 26 Beach Cruiser, Matte Black w/Green Rims. It just looks like a cool bike, right??!!
...price...$225.

There are some cool other things like El Wire...in case you don't know...I didn't...its like a glowing wire thats very flexible and could make the bike like real cool... but it's not really a mandatory piece of gear...or is it? It starts about $30...could be more depending on how elaborate!




So that's my wish list as of today.

Oh, here is the Survival Guide MUST BRING LIST :
· Your ticket or your photo ID and confirmationnumber to pick up at ticket at Will Call
· 1.5 gallons of water/person/day (drinking, washing, & cooking) Always have a water bottle
· Enough food/beverages for your group
· An extensive First-aid kit
· Warm clothing for evenings –this is a desert at 4,000 feet elevation!
· Bedding & shelter of – the winds can exceed 75 mph, midday temps can exceed 100° F
· A good camp tent and warm sleeping bags. Evening temperatures can be in the 40s
· Garbage and recycling bags, and tools to clean up your camp site (rakes, etc.)
· Any required prescriptions, contact lens supplies (disposables work great), or anything
  else you need to maintain your health and comfort in a remote area with no services
· Flashlights and spare batteries (headlamps areuseful) to see and be seen at night
· Sunscreen/sunblock & sunglasses
· Fire extinguishers, to protect your camp and property and if you plan to burn your art
· Common sense, an open mind, and a positive attitude

wandering

It seems, sometimes, that life is not quite as complicated as I make it. I don't think I am unique in this regard.  I overthink and analyze circumstances presented making them seem much more complex than they are.

Rationally there are perhaps infinte choices regarding most aspects I stand before, but if I listen to that "inner voice", ya know the one...that gut feeling about right or wrong...I suspect most decisions are not too hard. Fear can paralyze me when I try to decide which of those choices will provide the easiest outcome or more accurately...the least amount of work or conflict.

...What if???... becomes the mainstay during those moments....what if... I decide to do "this" and xyz happens, or so & so thinks less of me, or...well you get the picture. Meanwhile, the opportunity for real choice evaporates and I'm left with a default choice (usually a choice made for me from lack of my non-choosing) which invariably leads to... "if only"... !!

All this leads to two things...(1) resent or regret over missed opportunity
                                              (2) fear of future opportunity. - future opportunity = a new choice!

hmmmm....regret or fear? Not much of a way to live, is it?

Burning Man 2012 Road Trip

In preparation for my BM 2012 Road Trip I've mapped out a tentative plan. I've read that the first 18hrs after the gates open, which I believe is Aug 27, 2012 at 12:00 am, the lines are long. Be that as it may I'm planning to arrive around 5AM that day...which means that I need to leave apprx 9pm the Friday before Aug 24th.

15 hours (1000 miles) later I should arrive at my first resting stop,Vernon, TX...(pop 12001 ...really??? 12000 +1???) at about 1pm on Sat 8/25. Not even sure what is there...lol...but we'll see! After some rest (hmmmm....car or motel? perhaps not the best choice, rural TX, to stay...this might require visual perspective!) I'll head out around 9pm on the next leg...

to Las Vegas!! I should arrive there after another 15 hrs (and another 1000 miles) at around noon on Sunday 8/26...and get some sleep (does anyone get sleep in Las Vegas??). I think this time I'll stay in a motel as it will be the last real sleep I'll get for a week! The plan is to leave Las Vegas at 9pm Sunday night and drive the last 500 miles to.......

Black Rock City...aka...The Playa...

for my first tour of Burning Man! Oh yeah...I'm a dork!

wallpaper 3

Burning Man 2012

So I've made a decision to attend Burning Man in 2012. I wanted to go this event for several years...alright like 10yrs, but have always found an excuse not to attend. Mostly I think it is just fear...fear of what I'm not to sure but over the next 11 months I will document my thoughts and preparation as it unfolds. I hope in that time that I will be able to uncover whatever fear has been holding me back. Perhaps the discovery will open my heart and eyes to other fears and thus freedom from them. I believe that the result will be a life changing adventure.

I have found several links and have started a dialogue with one of the organizers of a sober camp on the Playa - Camp Stella and I have joined their Yahoo group and actually been in touch with one of their organizers....the great thing is that these are SOBER gay people experiencing the event together!