pssst...

...ya wanna know the secret...give it all away! give away everything that is important...it's not yours to hang onto anyway. give away your smiles, your love, your truth, your hope, your joy, your dreams...give it all away!!!!! just imagine what would happen if everyone did that..geez what would you do if  at every corner at every  minute someone was giving you their smile... or their hope... or their love...wouldn't that be cool!??

sappy

I watched 50 First Dates tonight and I have to admit (though it is with some embarrassment) that I like chick/date flicks. (*note; this entry is in no way a derogatory assessment against the real women in my life who I have the highest regard and admiration for...after all they have to put up with men!!!) I particularly prefer the romantic comedy type (you can keep Terms of Endearment). Don't get me wrong I can watch the hell outa a guy flick, gimme a car chase or explosion any day of the week...hell ya dude!!! lol... But if ya wanna see the real me...pop in a Drew Barrymore or Julia Roberts comedy with a happy ending and I'm a sap. Here is a list (in no particular order) of some of my favorites;

50 First Dates
You’ve Got Mail
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
When Harry Met Sally
Notting Hill
Sleepless in Seattle
There’s Something About Mary
The Holiday
The Princess Bride
Sweet Home Alabama
Never Been Kissed
The Wedding Date
Serendipity
What’s up Doc
While you were Sleeping
It Could Happen to You
Shakespeare in Love
Ever After
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Pretty Woman
Doc Hollywood

What does all this say about me?? Well first and foremost I'm a big wimpy ass girl!  Watery eyes, heaving chest, shit eating happy grin woman! What can I say? But it also tells me that I have hope! I have hope that there is some lucky son of a bitch out there for me. That after almost 40 years of dating there is still hope that I'm going to head down the same path with some other guy that happens to be heading the same way as me. I trust this is so! I hope that we can support and respect and encourage and be honest with each other. I hope that we can laugh at each other and with each other. I hope that we can talk about my dreams and his dreams and our dreams. I hope we can help others whenever and wherever we get the chance. I hope we can fuck like bunnies and sleep late on Sundays and cook for our friends every week. I hope we can grow old together. I hope that we can celebrate life together. It's a lot of hope I know,  but WTF I'm a big wimpy girl...lol!

waking up slowly

Sometimes when I get up in a hurry I'm a little disoriented, like I don't know what day it is, or what I need to do first. And then there are times when I lay in bed for a few and sorta gather in the clues to my existence. It's kinda like when I was using and woke up from a black-out except there are no drugs or booze. And that's how my life is sometimes, like I woke up too fast and got disoriented. What I've learned is that in those moments if I just take a few and kinda put the clues together I do a lot better.

being available

I'm over cell phones! I no longer like the fact that they make me available 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I know that I can always choose NOT to answer it..but...ya know what happens then - the text msg! Is it just me or is the text message the final chapter in the decline of civilization? I have friends who use that "tool" to a fault, though any use is subject to a foul a far as I'm concerned. Are we so caught up in ourselves that we can't take 1 minute to call?? And I call bullshit on the argument that "sometimes there is no time to call", or"I wasn't in a place I could talk"!! WML - call me when you have a minute, it's OK. If you're running late I'll figure it out when the appointed time strikes. here is one text I don't mind...call me!

When what I know isn't what I feel

I was always under the misguided belief that there was a Prince Charming..that one day he would come along and life would be so much more. I totally bought into the Cinderella phenomena; that there aforementioned fantasy was real and that any moment he would show up with my other Nike Shox! I was always under the belief that there would be that One Perfect Love...ya know the one. That one close to perfect guy that I fit together with like a puzzle...the one who "had me at hello". Imagine my surprise when I found out, no, make that - finally believed the previous mentioned fantasies were in fact no more than that. SHIT!
Well the Prince thing I get, but I still wonder if there wasn't the One Perfect Love? If I subscribe to that belief could I presume that during T.U.Y. (The Using Years) that maybe I did, in fact, meet this Mr Wonderful and was just too bonzo to know it and he simply got on a different train than I? Perhaps that OPL has expired! Following this theory, if I know (or choose to believe) can I then stop looking/waiting and just f'n got on with LIFE. Perhaps I was not cut out to be a one-on-one sorta guy (no punned intended). So I wonder, perhaps I ought to approach this from a different perspective and maintain several relationships with men that each serve a different purpose. I could have "movie guy", dinner guy", "gym guy, "sex guy" "coffee guy" "kickin at the park guy"...the list might be endless or maybe some guys serve a dual role.."movie/dinner", "gym/sex" etc...
Maybe the roles are not even that clear, but I know that I need to re-think what I know and put it in line with what I feel.

dare to participate

life generally seems to me to be about opportunity and choice. i know it's probably more complex than that but i'm a simple guy and so keeping it simple in all things make my life a little more relaxing. i have a hard time with stress. what i'm beginning to realize is that i have had a plethora of opportunity and refused to make a choice...procrastinating on what the right choice would be. as of late i seem to be making more choices, albeit not always the best choice, a choice nonetheless. life is about these things and about making choices and participating in the outcome of those choices. the best part is that if it's not the best choice i'll no better when the choice arrives again.

mindfulness

I've been trying to be more mindful lately. It's very much like living in the moment for me. Being conscious of where I am in the world...my connection to whats going on around me. Listening. It's not as easy as I thought it would be. My mind is sorta like one of those superballs..all over the place bouncing off everything and taking forever to settle down. A friend of mine put it in terms I could wrap myself around "its like going to the gym and training a muscle...repetition and practice"