behind the door

There is a certain confidence that children have. I guess we are born with it…and until someone rejects us for the first time we never think that someone would turn us down. But then when it happens the seed is planted. And over time with enough repetition, enough rejection that confidence wanes, it withdraws into a dark corner fearful of repeated beatings. With some people the seed never grows, they just take the "no" in stride and move on, building strength and determination. Others will nurture that seed, water it, coddle it and it will grow. The seed of uncertainty, that "less-than" hesitation that prevents them from responding with certainty in most social situations is in charge.

That was how my life was. Having no confidence is like being locked behind a door. I knew there was a key, I knew there was a keyhole and I knew that there had to be a way to find them both and open the damn door! But as luck, fate, providence, kismet or whatever you call it, would have it I was given another chance. A chance to live my life differently…all I had to do was choose. And I was given the key, and shown the keyhole. I was even told how to turn the doorknob. It took some work, some honesty, some time. But when I opened that door I found my smile, my heart, some trust and my confidence.