halloween kookoo

It's that time of year...the leaves are changing, the clock turned back, halloween. And, this year we've added the Atlanta Gay Pride festival!! One of my friends calls it the perfect storm! He's in recovery too and for many gay men in recovery gay Pride or Halloween use to be all about partying! So for a lot of us, your's truly included, it's a double whammy! I didn't think much of it this year and actually got  into the swing of it...I've been isolating a little too much recently...letting my roomate scare my face out and participate both Halloween Eve and Halloween in costume and scary face! Friday night we went to a part in East Atlanta that was being thrown by one of our sober friends...we were just barely on the property and dead in front of me was the "stalker".

The stalker is an ex-boyfriend who dumped me and then wouldn't leave me alone...One of those types who wanted, for some conscious easing reason to maintain a friendship with their "ex". Mine was the kind who wouldn't leave me alone. Always calling me when he split up with his amore-du-jour or wanting favors or sex. I was crushed by our break-up and would go out of my way to make myself available to him. I should mention that I lost my sobriety over him, moved twice & sold my house. I bought him whatever I thought would make him happy and would skip any event just to be near him. I was sick! Very sick. Even after I got sober I still would do anything for him until one dauy someone asked me what I was getting???? Ummm?? Let's see...ya see it's like this....ummmm....oh wait...not a fucking thing! So I got him out of my life. I asked him to leave me alone, to allow me some time to get over it. Ya see for two years or more since he dumped me he would get in touch with me at least once a month. So I never had a chance to grieve, or whatever you're suppose to do when ya get dumped...maybe make a voodoo doll?? Anyway he just wouldn't I had him banned from my jobs, blocked him from any site I was on online, and finally changed my phone number! Up until 3 months ago he would still call me at work asking to talk to me! Needless to say, unless ya didn't pick up the vibe...he drove me kookoo.

So it's been awhile since he had tried to contact me and even longer since I've seen him. Sadly he could not just ignore me...he had to walk up and say hi...couldn't he get a hug? I just stood there, dumbfounded... speechless infact, unable to comprehend what was going on! I mumbled something andd walked away, but the rest of the 30+ minutes we were there was ackward and uncomfortable. It seemed like where I was, no matter who I was taling to, he was always right in front of me...almost like he was putting himself in my field of vision. Perhaps he was, or perhaps it was my imagination, either way we left shortly afterward. It was wierd because as we were in the car turning around to leave...he and and his party decided to leave too.

So I'm a little crazy again. Unhappy that my space was broken with the unpleasant collision of our individual worlds. It was coincidence that we were both at the same party of that I'm sure, but not one I would have wished for. I don't wish him ill, infact I wish for him to be happy...but maybe happy in another state..not the one I live in!